Who Would Have Thought

Three more days before I move into the nursing home. I would never have imagined that something like this would have happened to me as a result of my conversations with Dr. Pou. If someone had told me what was going to happen as a result of our conversations, I simply would not have believed them. The whole thing just seemed to crazy and improbable. But perhaps that's the way life works. There is not a day that goes by that I am not somehow reminded of hurricane Katrina and the horrible events at Memorial Hospital, which by the way has been changed. I remember listening to Anna's press conference after the Grand Jury failed to indict. Not once did she apologize. But I guess the question is this: why would she apologize if she felt she had done nothing wrong? She told me that she loved the patients and did not want them to suffer and that was why she killed them. I still remember that phone conversation. The hairs on the back of my neck still stand up. Some nights I wish this nightmare would simply end and I could go back to the life I used to have and love. And yet I feel so badly for Anna and her state of denial. She has made herself a prisoner by her untruths. I cannot imagine how she must spend each day wondering when the truth of the matter will be revealed.
But as for me, how I have struggled to put the pieces of my life back together again. But that's really not possible. So instead I look forward to moving into a nursing home since I am no longer able to care for myself. The simplist daily tasks have become difficult for me. What  health care professionals call "activities of daily living," or ADL's have become increasingly more difficult. Some weeks pass in some horrible kind of blurriness and all the time I hope that perhaps some day Anna will tell the truth. Until then, I stumble from day to darkness and darkness to day hoping she might finally tell the truth and in doing so set herself free.